


Nodus Tollens

by nerdbird26



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake AH Crew, Late Night Conversations, M/M, People Watching, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-10 16:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19908964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdbird26/pseuds/nerdbird26
Summary: (n.) the realization that the plot of your life doesn’t make sense to you anymore





	Nodus Tollens

**Author's Note:**

> a.ka. Ry, J, and Matt go on the penthouse balcony to drink and people watch. Matt has some thoughts on his mind.
> 
> (I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t projecting a little bit onto Matt.)

The penthouse was almost entirely empty that late summer night. Geoff and Jack had gone out to visit the FakeHaus for a meeting about an upcoming heist. Michael, Gavin, Alfredo, and Trevor had walked down to the nearest bar to get wasted. Lindsay and Fiona drove over to Meg’s place for a ‘girls night,” which probably included robbing some rich asshole’s mansion.

The remaining three, Matt, Ryan, and Jeremy, had no plans tonight, which was certainly odd. Ryan and Jeremy were usually always busy doing some sort of dirty work for any gang willing to pay the price. Matt was usually busy hacking and researching stuff for those who asked. The three were always occupied with things to do for the Fakes or for other gangs. And when ever one of them had a day off, the other two were working, and having fun alone wasn’t the same as having with your boyfriends.

Matt had just finished hacking into a private multi-million dollar company and found several documents that the crew needed for their next heist. The process was surprisingly much more difficult and frustrating than Matt first intended, which sucked practically all of the energy out of him. It would take him too many cups of coffee and way, way too many hours of sleep to regain his normal emotional and physical state. When Ryan and Jeremy had told him of Nice Dynamite and The Twins’ idea to go out tonight, he nearly passed out from the thought alone. So instead they scrapped the idea and settled for a more relaxing activity that suited Matt.

People watching.

Before Ryan and Jeremy had met Matt, they would have never thought people watching to be as fun as it was. They were active people. Ask questions later type of guys. They didn’t get the appeal of sitting down and watching people go by. But Matt was an observer. He was good at watching and paying attention. His analytical brain always had a field day when he could sit and observe the little things that would go unseen in other people’s lives. When Matt started spending more time with the other two, he had managed to rope them into his strange hobby.

Even if Ryan and Jeremy weren’t as good as analyzing people from afar as Matt, they still had fun making up stories and inventing new lives for whoever happened to pass by.

So, while everyone else in the crew was off fucking around, planning new missions, or causing trouble, the other three had set up lawn chairs on the highest balcony in the penthouse over looking the city. They also dragged out a cooler filled with cold beers and Diet Cokes. Despite it being nearly 11 p.m., the summer Texas air was still humid as all hell.

Ryan sat on the far right, Jeremy took the middle, and Matt sat on the left. Matt always preferred the left most seat because it was the one that overlooked the beach. The distant sound of the waves gently crashing into the sand. The muffled conversations of the people below them. The sea breeze that ever so slightly blew in their direction. If it weren’t for the buzzing conversation Jeremy and Ryan were having right next to him, he probably would have been lured into a deep sleep.

And though Matt was good at analyzing, observing, listening, watching, etc., he was sometimes too caught up with one thing, one conversation, one idea, one thought, that he sometimes because aloof of what was happening around him. Which is why he didn’t notice Jeremy calling his name three times in a row.

“MATT!”

“Huh?”

“I said do you want something to drink?”

“Oh, uh,” Matt stammered. He didn’t even notice the beer bottle that Jeremy was holding out for him. “Yeah, thanks.” He took the cold beer and cracked it open with the bottle opener that Jeremy also handed him.

“Sorry, I was just distracted with something. Y’know how I get when I’m tired.”

“S’alright, Matt,” Ryan reassured. He snapped open a can of soda and chugged nearly half of it in one go. Jeremy did the same with his drink. 

Matt, on the other half, gingerly sipped his beer. As he did, he focused on the little things: the damp coldness forming on the palm of his hand, the smooth feel of the glass around his lips, the initial bitterness of the drink on his tongue which then shifted into sweetness, the way the alcohol burned ever so slightly as it made its way down his throat. Matt admitted that it felt good, almost therapeutic, to hyperfixate on things like that. It was sometimes embarrassing to have to ask people to repeat what they said to him multiple times because he wasn’t listening, or to miss a crucial part of a conversation and misread an entire situation because of it, but in the little, unimportant moments, it was good to focus on the small details.

And, once again, someone had to rain on his parade. He was so far gone in his head, thinking about coldness and glass and bitterness and sweetness and burning, that he couldn’t even feel Jeremy tugging on his hoodie sleeve for a solid minute.

“ _Fuck-_ What?” Matt yelped, jumping slightly in his seat and nearly dropping his bottle in the process. From the corner of his eye he could see Ryan covering his mouth, trying to hold in a laugh. Jeremy was smiling ear to ear, still holding on to his sleeve.

“You alright, bud? You keep spacing out on us,” Jeremy said.

“Ugh, was I doing it again?” Matt placed his beer on the floor next to him and moved his hand to face. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand, messing up the position of his glasses. “God, I’m sorry. I’ve just been- it’s so-,“ Matt stumbled on his words, attempting to piece together some sort of apology or excuse before Ryan cut him off.

“Matt, it’s okay. Really. Maybe you should go get some rest tonight. You’ve been working really hard the past few days, you deserve it.”

Matt pondered on Ryan’s words. He didn’t just deserve sleep, he _needed_ sleep. His exhaustion was taunting him; it was almost physically painful to stay awake. But he knew his boyfriends would be busy for the next few days, maybe even weeks. They would be off on missions, risking their lives, nearly getting themselves killed. As much as he wanted to rest, his heart wasn’t willing to make him leave.

“I’m fine. I’ll be more awake when we start talking,” Matt said, pulling his hand away from his face and adjusting his glasses. Jeremy and Ryan looked at each other, then at Matt, unsure. Eventually they gave in. There had been many a times where Matt had fallen asleep at his desk in the middle of working or on the couch in the living room and both of them had to carry his sleeping body back to his bed. If Matt fell asleep here, they could just do the same.

The three of them scooted their chairs closer to the railing of the balcony to make it easier to see the people below them. It was roughly 12 a.m., so not many regular people would be out at this time, except for a few club-goers or the occasional mysterious loner. For the most part the street below them was vacant.

Then, on Ryan’s side of the road, a man in a black suit approached them. He stopped on the sidewalk and leaned against a nearby building. His face was slightly illuminated by his phone. All three guys had their attention set on him.

“So, what do you guys suspect?” Jeremy asked. “Some sort of shady business?”

“My guess? Men in Black. There’s ought to be some weird alien shit going around Los Santos. And he’s wearing a black suit!” Ryan announced.

“Y’know, Ry, sometimes you’re really clever. This is not one of those times,” Jeremy said. “What about you, Matt? Aliens or nay-liens?”

“‘Nay-liens?’ God, you’re terrible,” Ryan chuckled, lightly punching the shorter man in the arm.

“Hmm, well, he keeps looking around like he’s nervous. Maybe he’s waiting for somebody. He was looking at the sign on the building, too, making sure he was at the right place.”

“Smart. God, you’re so much better at this than us! We’d be a mess without you, Matthew,” Jeremy praised. He reached up to ruffle Matt’s long hair. Matt couldn’t help but blush at both the compliment and the touch. It was a little embarrassing to admit, but Matt loved praise. Even the smallest “good job” from a coworker would brighten his day. Especially coming from his boyfriends. The praises, the compliments, the affectionate touches always sent him into an unexplainable high.

A distant rumbling approached then below. They looked down and say a very expensive-looking red car slow down in front of the suit-wearing man. The hood of the car shined like a coated candy apple in the street light.

“Maybe this is the person he was waiting for?” Ryan suggested.

From the driver’s seat of the car exited a slim, attractive blond woman wearing a tight-fitting red dress. The man removed himself from the wall and approached the woman who, even from the distance of the balcony, looked much younger than him. They kissed, long and passionately.

“Wait, did you guys see that?” Matt asked. The look on his face was familiar, one he usually wore when he cracked a code or found a missing clue. The other two shook their heads, their eyes wide, waiting for Matt’s reveal.

“He took a ring off. Right before he kisses her, he touched his hand and put something in his pocket. Do you think he’s-?”

“Oh, shit! Plot twist! This dude’s totally cheating on his wife with some younger chick,” Jeremy predicted. “He’s probably some douchebag writing teacher and his wife is much more successful than him, which makes him jealous. He’s cheating on this girl and soon the wife will find out and she gets so angry that she stages her own murder and points all the evidence on him and-“

“Jeremy, I’m pretty sure you’re just retelling the plot of Gone Girl,” Ryan intervenes in the middle of Jeremy’s rambling.

“Maybe,” Jeremy muttered. “Anyways, good observation, Matt.” He patted him on the shoulder. Matt didn’t even feel it.

All he felt was guilt. Guilt that he had just witnessed something so private and wrong and he could do nothing with it. Pity for the wife back home waiting for her unfaithful husband. Disgust towards the man who rode off with some girl, leaving his dejected wife alone and unknowing of his affair. Melancholy for the young woman in the tight dress who was having sex with older men and was, maybe unknowingly, ruining a marriage.

Maybe it was all just a stupid idea. A silly story that should have been brushed away. The plot to some dramatic thriller movie. They could all be far from the truth. But all the emotions were still there. They sat in his gut, bubbling up, making his hands shake.

“Matthew! Babe, we need you to listen to us. C’mon, can you hear me?” Jeremy’s voice was panicked. It was heart breaking to hear. It made Matt sick. The tiniest bit of alcohol he drank earlier was threatening to rise up throat. He pushed it back.

“Fine. I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m always okay. Everything’s just fine.” Matt’s tone was threatening to bubble over into what seemed like a sob or a scream. Which ever it was, he was losing patience. Not with Jeremy and Ryan, no. They were worried for him. Worried about how much sleep he was getting, how much he ate or didn’t eat, how hard he was working, how lonely he would get when they were away. Matt couldn’t blame them for worrying.

He was losing patience with himself. Why don’t you ever listen? Why are you always zoning out? Why can’t you just pay attention? Why don’t you try harder? They try so hard for you and you don’t even bother to appreciate it. You just wander off. All. The. Time. You’re doing it right now, too. It’s stupid. You’re stupid. _Stupid._

_Stupid._

Matt attempted to swallow the lump forming in his throat. He desperately tried to ignore the tears swelling in his eyes. He didn’t dare try to blink them away, worrying that it would draw to much attentions or that the tears would fall. Too late. Ryan and Jeremy already had their eyes locked on him. The tears had gathered together into one massive clump and grew too heavy, and they fell, leaving dark, wet spots on his jeans.

Before either of the two could get a word out, Matt stood up suddenly, holding on to the railing for support. His legs felt like they were going to give up from right under him. Two more dense tears slid down his cheeks, but he didn’t even bother brushing them away. He rejected the second lump forming again in his throat and spoke in a pitiful, dejected, strained voice.

“Y’know, I think I need to sleep. Yeah, sleep. I’ll just rest and it’ll all be fine,” Matt rambled. The last part sounded more like he was talking to himself than Jeremy and Ryan. “I’ll leave you two alone now.” He turned to leave, but Jeremy and Ryan we’re up, too.

“Do you want to talk about it, Matt?” Jeremy asked. He reached out his hand to hold onto Matt’s sleeve, but stopped, his hand hovering just above his wrist. Like a sixth sense, Matt could feel it. It was like Jeremy was to afraid to touch him, like he was too fragile and any contact would break him. Fragile. Weak. Pathetic.

_Stupid._

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“But we could try,” Ryan spoke. “Matt, we’re just trying to help you.”

“I don’t want you to be my therapists! I know you guys want to help me, and I love you two for trying, but I feel like that’s all you do. I’m so helpless and you two are always there, even when I’m losing my mind over the smallest things. You pity me and save me and comfort me, and it’s so selfish to admit it but I kinda love it. Because besides the whole ‘hacker’ life, you two are my whole life. I need you guys to live because I’m always falling apart and you always put the pieces back together, and I hate how much I need that in my life.”

No words. It was utter silence except for the distant roaring of car engines and the sea breeze blowing from the beach.

“But you two don’t _need_ me like I need you. You go on missions and do heists and have exciting lives. The Fakes, Geoff, Jack, Michael, Gavin, they’re your family much more than they’re mine. I’m just your nervous wreck of a boyfriend. I feel so small in your lives and you two feel so grand in mine.”

“Matt, you know that’s not true,” Jeremy intervened. “You’re so important to us, not just me and Ry, but to all of us.”

“Important? Why, because I’m a hacker? Cause I sit on my ass all day at a computer to help you risk your lives blowing shit up and being shot at? Y’know why I stayed here tonight instead of going to sleep like Ryan said I should? Because I don’t know when I’ll have another chance to. What if one day you to go out on some mission and get yourselves killed? Then what’ll happen to me? I’ll have nothing left! Cause I don’t know if you remember, but you’re everything to me! And what am I to you?!

“Sometimes I stay up at night and wonder when is it gonna be over. When will I stop being the hacker and when will the rest of you stop risking your lives? It’s stupid to believe in fairy tails but... sometimes I like to imagine that we don’t have to worry about weapons and gangs and drugs and money. We could stay in the penthouse and do stupid things like cook for each other and watch movies and... _goddamit_. It’s so pointless. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future or if there will even _be_ a future. But why would anyone want a future with me anyways? I can’t listen or concentrate or focus or do any of the things you do. I’m just the one who needs to be rescued and pitied. So I don’t get it. Why do you guys let me stick around? Why am I a part of... whatever ‘this’ is?”

Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind. He could feel Jeremy’s face burry into his face. His body was quivering. “Because we love you. Because your smart and funny and beautiful and we would do anything just to see you happy.” Jeremy rushed the final few words, then broke into sobs.

Ryan walked in front of Matt and looked at him, taking his face in his hands. “We don’t want to pity you, Matt. We’re just trying to help you because we know you’re struggling. We couldn’t be happier to have you in our lives. And we’re so, so sorry that we didn’t make that clear enough. You’re more than just a hacker; you’re a part of our family and we love you.” Ryan, still gently holding Matt’s face, leaned in and pressed a kiss on his lips, stroking his wet cheeks with his thumbs.

“And we’re sorry for making you worry about us. We’ll always try to be careful and as much as we can possibly help it, we’ll always come back home. You’ll never have to worry about if you’ll get another chance to see us because, God help me, you’ll get as many chances as you want,” Jeremy said, his voice slightly muffled from being pressed into Matt’s hoodie.

Matt separated from Ryan’s kiss. He managed to get detached from Jeremy’s embrace, turned around to face him, and gave him a kiss as well. They walked through the sliding glass door of the balcony and entered the penthouse. Then, Matt allowed himself to be dragged to his bedroom where he spent the night sleeping soundly between his two boyfriends.

Before his mind fell into a deep sleep, he focused on the little things. The soft bedsheets beneath him. The warmth of the two bodies next to him. They way their chests moved up and down as they breathed almost in unison, like a pair of lungs. They soft Los Santos moonlight poured into the room through the thin curtains. After a while, his brain grew tired of focusing on this and that, and could only think about sleep.

And he slept. And he admitted, it was the best sleep he’s had in days.


End file.
